Eating with a Purpose is Hard

This is NOT a sponsored post. This is me needing a place to discuss my frustrations and feelings. Sorry this is a novel, I just need to finally tell everyone about my health plan and release my frustrations of how hard it is! If you can relate or have support, please leave a comment.

I need to talk. I have been on a weightloss/ optimal health journey for a couple of weeks now, and it’s taking its toll. I’ve mostly kept this on the down low because I didn’t want to talk about it for several reason.

1. I wanted to surprise people with my weightloss. I wanted them to all of the sudden look at me wearing small clothes and think, “WOW when did that happen?”
2. What if I don’t lose weight? I don’t want people to know about it if I’m just going to fail.
3. I don’t want people to ask about it. I don’t want people to ask how many pounds I lost this week, or anything about it. I’m just trying to get by day by day and I don’t need constant reminders about this.

But I think it’s time to get a little more public with it because it has started to effect my mental health. In the past I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. As a teenager I could get away with this without any consequences. When I got married I gained a little weight (what is it about marriage that makes your body click into weight gain mode?) but it wasn’t too bad. After I had my first child I was able to lose a little weight from nursing. I had heard that that could happen and was super excited when it did. The nursing diet plan, however, only worked with 1 child. After that nursing didn’t help me lose anything other than hours of sleep. The weight started piling on.

My heaviest weight was 165 (which isn’t obese, but it was heavy for me and really bothered me). I am the “fat” one in my family, if you can even call it that. I don’t think I look fat, just chubby like I could stand to lose a few pounds. My weight never really bothered me until recent years.

Last year I joined the gym, quit the gym and have now joined again. One thing I have learned from this is that no amount of exercise is going to make me lose weight if I don’t change my eating habits. BUMMER! So when a friend of mine started posting pictures of her rocking’ body on Facebook after having gone through a “health plan,” I messaged her for more information.

A couple of weeks later we were finally able to connect on the phone and she told me about her plan. It is called Take Shape for Life. With this program you learn how to eat. You learn about making food choices. We are so much in the habit of sticking anything in our mouths without even thinking about it that it becomes a habit. The program teaches you to stop and think about your choices. Before you stick that in your mouth, why? Why are you going to eat that? Will it lead you to your goals? This quick start eBook describes it better than I could.

We often use food for comfort, but why should it comfort us when it is also the root of this weight problem? I am a major emotional eater. When my kids are being hard, when I have some tough due dates on my blog, when I’m feeling any kind of stress, or even boredom I would eat some treats. Did this actually solve any of those problems? NO. So why do it then? This learning curve with Take Shape for Life has been huge.

Along with learning how to make better food choice, Take Shape for Life also uses Medifast meal replacements in a multi-phase program. You first use the meal replacements on a 5&1 plan – meaning, 5 Medifast meal replacements everyday and 1 lean and green meal. The program clearly outlines what food to eat and what portions to eat it in. I  LOVE this about the plan.

In the past I have tried to lose weight myself by adding more veggies into my diet or cutting out chocolate (laugh! That lasted a couple of days!) I need my food options spelled out exactly for me, and Take Shape for Life and Medifast do that. It’s so nice to open my book or look at my papers and know how much meat to eat and how many veggies to have. With this plan you eat with a purpose.

So, why is this hard? Because this is breaking decades of bad habits. How many times do you give your kids a cracker, or cereal or some kind of snack and just eat one too because it’s there. I can’t do that now. In the mornings when I’m pouring cereal in my kids bowl and one flake falls on the table, I have to remember not to eat it. Life around me is still going on and I have to function in it. We recently went to a friend’s house and we brought cookies. It was really hard to make cookies and not eat any when they were warm and gooey out of the oven. The smell of the freshly baked cookies in the house was almost physically painful for me. I made sure that all of the cookies were packed to go to our friend’s house with the exception of a couple in a bag for my husband and kids’ lunches the next day. Every other cookie was to leave my house.

I have been mourning food. It sounds silly. I have literally been crying over food. Pathetic! Normally we would go out to eat about 3 times a week – I miss it. There are healthy choices that fit within the plan at different restaurants but I don’t feel strong enough to resist temptation yet. We used to get ice cream shakes several times a week – I REALLY miss this. I had to make a cake for my blog last weekend, couldn’t touch the thing afterwards. That was a nightmare to make this yummy cake I couldn’t eat. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Seriously, birthing babies is a piece of cake (irony, I know!) compared to not eating that cake.

I know I said don’t ask, but you probably are wondering how is it working? It’s working ok. The first week I lost 6 pounds. This week I am only down 1 pound. That is what has triggered my mental anguish. I thought with such a drastic difference in my eating that a lot of weight would melt off. WRONG! I was hoping for big results fast and am now dealing with disappointment.

Losing weight is a journey – and a slow one at that. As frustrated as I am, as sad as I am, I will continue on. I have committed to doing this. I am going to be exact in the plan until my cruise in October  and then all bets are off for that week. When I get home I will continue on. I want this to work. I want the opportunity to see that being a small size is worth the food sacrifice. Plus, food shouldn’t have this much impact on me, it’s horrible! I can see little changes in myself. I don’t crave junk food, my brain just reminds me that I like it. I still have to consciously not think about just grabbing something to eat, but it’s getting better. As I change my habits and adopt new healthy habits it will all get easier, my mind will change, my body will change and I will lose weight.