There are millions of blogs on the internet. Everyday I’m sure many of those millions of blogs publish an article that could be viewed as offensive to someone, somewhere. Often one of these “offensive” articles will go viral and spread like wildfire to the masses of “offended” people. Why people want to share an article that hurts their feelings is beyond me. Now I’m not talking about articles that are purposefully intended to be hurtful, demeaning or otherwise cruel, I’m talking about articles where people are just saying it how it is (in their opinion) and it comes out viewed as being mean. Aren’t we all entitled to an opinion? Yes. So aren’t we all entitled to ignore others opinions? Yes!
Recently in my corner of the internet an article was written and a lot of people chose to be offended, hurt or angered by it. I use the word chose, because how we feel is a choice. If someone tells us they think our clothes are ugly we can choose to have hurt feelings, feel ashamed or get mad. We can also choose to brush the comments aside and not think about it again. If someone says something about our way of life, our families or our parenting it is much harder to choose to stay calm and not get angered. These are things we deeply care about and so we are more prone to an emotional response, yet, how we feel and respond is a choice.
My whole life I have been told that “Offense is taken, not given”. I believe this to be true. To be offended at what someone says or writes is our choice. I do understand that depending on what is said it is a lot harder to not get hurt or offended, but at the end of the day it is our choice.
When the article I previously mentioned was published there was instantly a lot of spewing of hatred and mean comments directed at the author. I ventured over to the blog to read the article and see what the big deal was. I read it, agreed with some parts, didn’t agree with others but I noticed something about my reading. The author failed to qualify the article. She didn’t say who she was talking about and who was exempt. She left out the exceptions to her opinionated “rule”. While I was reading the article I was filling those in for her. I felt like it was clear that her message didn’t mean all of the exceptions to the rule, she clearly meant this other group of people. Since she didn’t qualify her article, she got enormous amounts of comments, hate and condensation from people relating to the exceptions to the rule. While I was reading it, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I have known the author of the article for a couple of years online. I have never met her in person, so I do not know her that well. Regardless of whether I know her well or not, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. I chose to believe that she wasn’t writing about x,y and z exceptions to the problem, she was writing about this other majority that don’t have the exceptions. I found that by reading the article this way I wasn’t offended at all. I was able to take her opinion, categorize it as half what I agree with, half I don’t agree with and move on.
What if the people that read the article had also read between the lines? What if they could have classified their situation to be different from what she was speaking about because they had exception x,y,z to the rule? Or why not even just think to yourself “she doesn’t know what she is talking about” and leave it at that? Why attack people? Why, when you feel offended, lash back in hopes of also causing offense? I know what assuming does, but what if you assume for the better?
Have you ever heard people talk about how they like the variety of the world? That they like that people believe different things and think different ways because if we were all the same how boring the world would be. I have never held this opinion. HA! I don’t think I would mind if we all had the same morals, though the same things and had the same opinions. I feel like there would be a lot less contention that way. BUT that is not the way the world is. It is filled with colors, opinions, variety and a mix match of all things. Since there are so many different perspectives, points of view and opinions why not just shake it off? Brush it aside. If you don’t agree with something then click the X on the top of the page and move on. If you must comment, comment with respect. There should be respect on both sides of the blog post. Why must we be mean to each other?
I’m not perfect at this. I am working on building up thick skin so that it is easier for me to choose to not take offense at things. I think that we are all able to have a difference of opinion and talk about those differences if we use respect and kindness. Being harsh, rude or just plain mean won’t make any positive change. When you perceive someone being that way towards you, don’t throw down the gauntlet. Give them the benefit of doubt.
When I was growing up, whenever my siblings and I would fight my Mom would start singing a little song to us. In closing, think about the words to this song:
I want to be kind to everyone, for that is right, you see. So I say to myself, “Remember this: Kindness begins with me.” – Clara McMaster
